To Ameer – When reality intersects fiction

Gireesh; translated by Moulee


You may not have noticed me. I was there the day you met Akbar performing Kuthu rabeeb. I watched you from the other side. I have noticed people’s eyes glow when they smile, but when you smiled at Akbar I noticed that your entire face reflected the happiness. Your slender body, long neck, curly hair, and the smile on your face always reminded me of the fairy tales I read about. I was a little jealous when you smiled at Akbar that day, I still remember your attar fragrance that filled the place. I would have done something to gain your attention Ameer; had my Maria not been with me that night.

I’ve seen you on the island many times thereafter. You’d converse with Akbar animatedly. As you and Akbar stole moments to be alone and chat while fishing, I hid and looked at your love filled eyes.

The island terrifies me, Ameer. Not only the island, but I fear of this world. I knew from the beginning that they would not let you and Akbar together. I wanted to warn you many times, but’ I’d fail every time after seeing your loved filled eyes. I did not have the heart to tell Akbar who experienced love for the first time in his life. I never saw him grin from ear to ear. I have no faith in God. But I had always prayed to the unknown for you both to live the life you desired. On the other hand, I felt sorry for Fathima. But what can you tell her? Who knows what you think and speak, except Akbar.

I could not sleep on the days leading to your Nikkah. If I could stop it somehow I would have prevented it. I wandered around the island that night. I could not look at the face of Akbar, who was lying on the boat. On the other hand you had lost everything. I hoped for a miracle that night.

Finally you went to meet Akbar. As you both finished talking and you walked back, the place was filled with the smell of sandal incense, Ameer. It was the same smell that engulfed the living room when my beloved grandmother passed away. For years I associated the smell only as the smell of death.

Akbar boarded the boat before dawn. No one dared to stop him. Everyone knew he would never return. What would he do without you and how is he going to be?

I do not want to see the place you were buried, Ameer. I wish I could have talked to you earlier. I should have told you how the world would see our love. I should have made you realise to keep everything a secret. You might have kept your dream secret to watch pigeons through the window as the sun set; like I have kept my dream for twelve years to walk the full moon holding hands.

This world is not for us, Ameer. The world will never understand the grinning face of Akbar when he sees you and your smile when you see Akbar. This world wouldn’t let us live.

Ameer, I do not believe in resurrection that your religion or any other religion preach. If there is a resurrection for desires that are locked up in our memories for centuries, I will be walking the full moon holding Maria’s hand. As we walk, I’ll smell your attar fragrance and look up. You’d be all smile and smoking beedi with Akbar. Akbar would grin at you as usual. Pigeons would fly in the moonlight. Latheef would dance happily in her favorite dress, and there would be room for Mullah and Rosy too.


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